Dear Members of that Blow-Me-Away-Professional American Soccer Team,

You are the greatest!! I have never been so proud of the performance of an American Soccer Team as I am of you guys tonight. I know you’re disappointed, but you played an awesome tournament!!!

Congratulations on your incredibly cool suaveness, and on your silver medal. I know it’s hard to imagine tonight, but you wait and see: The future will be pointing out the élan with which you paved the way…