My physical therapist, Nina comes to my home for my weekly verbretzlung . Often, she also simply by-the-way changes the fitted sheet on my bed. I still have the strength for it, but it is difficult for me to do and she knows it. Sometimes I ask her to help me, other times she spies a clean sheet lying around nearby and she just starts stripping the old one off.
This morning, I asked her if she’d mind and thanked her. She smiled on her way through the door saying “So much thanks for such a little thing.”
But here’s the thing, those little things get unreasonably big when you can’t, for whatever reason, do them for yourself anymore. The more I need help with all those little things the harder it gets to ask for it, and I find out that I have a break-point. Oh it varies from day to day and situation to situation but it is always there, deeply buried, most of the time until it’s not and my usually pragmatic self takes a swan dive, arms spread wide, toes pointed, right off a cliff and suddenly I’m a walking, talking psychological short-circuit growing long horns, hooves, and just looking for a red flag.
Left! Right! There! Come on… Wave it. I dare you.
I know that the Swan Dive Moment is prowling about in the wings and care must be taken when I start to feel like every other sentence I utter is a request for someone to do something that I’d really love to simply do for myself. But I can’t. Or I can, but the effort I’d expend to do it makes the silly little task (that really needs to be done) simply too much. Or maybe I find myself in the middle of a long-winded explanation of how and why something that I’d really love to just do, quietly, is even necessary; important enough for me to ask for help.
Everyone says, “That must be frustrating”. Yes. But it’s much worse than that. It’s repetitive. And dare I say it? Boring. Ack!
Repetition is a form of self-inflicted boredom. A sure Swan Dive situation.
I guess what I want to say is that I am incredibly grateful to be surrounded by kind folks who are pleased to lend me a hand and happy that I have asked. My wonderful friends, you are there for me when I call, you are irreplaceable and almost always exactly what I need. Occasionally though, when the moon is full, or dark, or blue and the sky is gray, and I’m wobbling on the edge, I need one of those exceptional moments when someone simply notices what needs to be done and does it; my team-mate in every sense of the word.
I don’t fall on the floor and kiss your feet. But I want to. You have saved me from myself.
 verbretzlung is a Mausisch, a verb, and it means to turn someone/something into a pretzel